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Bradford City Crisis leaflet
If you, or someone that you know, has recently been subjected to a major traumatic incident or experience this appendix will help you to understand how others have reacted in similar circumstances. It will also show you how you can help normal healing to occur, to avoid some pitfalls and identify ways in which you can expect people around you to respond.
Feelings and emotional responses normally experienced:
Fear
of damage to oneself and loved ones
of being left alone or having to leave loved ones
of 'breaking down' or 'losing control.'
of a similar event happening again
Helplessness
crises show up human powerlessness, as well as strength
Sadness
for deaths, injuries and losses of every kind
Longing
for all that has been lost
Guilt
for being better off than others i.e. for being alive, not injured, having things
regret for things not done or said
Shame
for having been exposed as helpless, emotional and needing others
for not having reacted as one would have wished
Anger
at what has happened, at whoever caused it or allowed it to happen
at the injustice and senselessness of it all
at the shame and indignity
at the lack of proper understanding by others and their inefficiencies
WHY ME?
Memories
of feelings, of loss or of love for other people in your life who have been injured or died
Let down
disappointments which alternate with
Hope
for the future, for better times
Everyone who has experienced a traumatic event has at least some of these feelings. The experience of other disasters has shown that they can be particularly intense if:
many people died
their deaths were sudden, violent, or occurred in horrifying circumstances
there was great dependence on the person who died
the relationship with the person was at a difficult stage
this stress came on top of others
Nature heals through allowing these feelings to come out. This will not lead to loss of control of the mind, but bottling these feelings up may lead to nervous and physical problems. Crying gives relief.
Physical and mental sensations:
You may feel bodily sensations with or without the feelings described. Sometimes these bodily sensations are due to the crisis, even if they develop many months after the incident. Some common sensations are tiredness, sleeplessness, bad reams, fuzziness (loss of memory and difficulty concentrating), dizziness, palpitations, shakes, difficulty in breathing, choking feelings in the throat and chest, nausea, diarrhoea, muscular tension (may lead to headaches, neck and backache, dragging in the womb, menstrual disorders and change in sexual interest).
Family and social relationships:
New friendships and group bonds may come into being. On the other hand, strains in existing relationships may appear. The good feelings in giving and receiving may be replaced by conflict. You may feel that too little or the wrong things are offered, or that you can not give as much as is expected.
Accidents are more frequent after severe stress. Alcohol and drug intake may increase due to extra tensions.
The following make the events and the feelings about them easier to bear:
Numbness
Your mind may allow the misfortune to be felt only slowly. At first you may feel numb. The event may seem unreal, almost like a dream, something that has not really happened. People often see this numbness wrongly either as being 'strong' or 'uncaring.'
Activity
Be active. To help and give to others may give some relief. However, over-activity is detrimental if it diverts attention from the help that you need yourself.
Reality
Confronting the reality, e.g. attending funerals, inspecting losses and returning to the scene will all help you to come to terms with the event.
As you allow the disaster more into your mind, there is a need to think about it, to talk about it, and at night to dream about it over and over again. Children play and draw about the event.
Support
It is a relief to receive other people's physical and emotional support. Do not reject it by isolating yourself. Sharing with others who have had similar experiences feels good. Barriers can be broken down and closer relationships develop.
Privacy
In order to deal with feelings, you will find it necessary at times to be alone, or just with family and close friends.
Activity and numbness (blocking off feelings) may be over-used and may delay your healing.
Healing: Remember that the pain of the wound leads to healing. You may come out wiser and stronger. There are some important do's and don'ts to consider:
Don't bottle up your feelings. Do express your emotions and, where there are children involved let them share in the grief.
Don't avoid talking about what happened. Do take every opportunity to review the experience within yourself and with others. Do allow yourself to be part of a group of people who care.
Don't let your embarrassment stop you giving others the opportunity to talk.
Don't expect the memories to go away - the feelings will stay with you for a long time to come.
Don't forget that your children will experience similar feelings to yourself.
Do take time out to sleep, rest, think, and to be with your close family and friends.
Do express your needs clearly to family, friends and officials.
Do try to keep your life as normal as possible after the acute grief.
Do let your children talk to you and others about their emotions and allow them to express themselves in drawing and play.
Do send your children back to school and let them keep up with their normal activities.
Do drive more carefully. Do be more careful around the home.
WARNING - ACCIDENTS ARE MORE COMMON AFTER
SEVERE STRESS
When to seek professional help:
If you feel that you can not handle intense feelings or body sensations. If you feel that your emotions are not falling into place over a period of time or you feel chronic tension, confusion, emptiness or exhaustion. If you continue to have body sensations.
If after a month you continue to feel numb and empty. If you have to keep active in order not to feel.
If you continue to have nightmares and poor sleep.
If you have no person or group with whom to share your emotions and you feel the need to do so.
If your relationships seem to be suffering badly, or sexual problems develop.
If you have accidents.
If you continue to smoke, drink or take drugs to excess since the event.
If your work performance suffers.
If you note that those around you are particularly vulnerable or are not healing satisfactorily.
If you, as a helper, are suffering 'exhaustion.'
Do remember that you are basically the same person you were before the disaster. Do remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Do remember that, if you suffer too much or too long, help is available.
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