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Guide lines for the helper
In a nutshell - listen - offer encouragement - allow people to talk
Not necessarily in that order! Really listening to someone discussing a problem is a skill. Often when we hear people talking about traumatic incidents we unconsciously block out their experiences - by talking over them or deciding what we are going to say as soon as they stop talking - so that the real meaning or the full horror of what they are saying does not 'get to us.' Self preservation comes in many forms. One of the problems of course when we hear about other people misfortune is that another protective instinct comes into play - 'it will never happen to me; or 'how could they have been so stupid as to allow that to happen'. Another way not to interact with a traumatised person is to offer them advice. Many people with no experience of dealing with mental health issues offer well meaning but ultimately counter productive advice.
Two classic examples of this are:
You'll get over it in time
Try not to think about it
That time is a great healer is deeply entrenched in the psychic fabric of most people. This is normally coupled with the belief that forgetting a problem is the best way to solve it. If either of these two beliefs were true it would be a blessed relief. However they are not, at least in the context that we are discussing. People damage themselves by 'bottling things up.' There is only one way around that - and that is allowing the affected person the time, space and understanding that they need in order to get it out.
Talking things through is a vital first step in unstopping the bottle and reversing the damage that could otherwise be caused. The Royal British Legion was inundated by telephone calls from distressed veterans around the time of the 50th anniversary of D-Day.
If anyone needs further proof that in the case of trauma time does not heal then they are demonstrating evidence of very rigid belief systems - which are not a good sign in anyone who wishes to be of real assistance to a person experiencing PTSD or recovering from a recent trauma.
Ask plenty of open questions: Open questions, as the name suggests, open up the conversation and encourage responses to the question asked. The aim is to ensure that a simple "yes" or "no" cannot answer the question. Such open questions are used to draw people out and help them engage in a two-way communication.
Many people ask "why" questions in order to start a conversation. Contrary to common belief, asking questions beginning with "why?" is not generally a good idea. It sounds very open but in fact it invites an "I don’t know" response, which closes off that topic of conversation. Why is the best example of a closed question that there is.
Examples of open questions are "what is it like living around here?" or "tell me how you feel when ----- happens?" "Can you tell me a bit more about that?" "Do you think about it often?" "What kinds of things do you think about?" and so on.
Staff Writer...
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