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Life's Eternal Wrestling Match
You have been in a car crash or, even, a plane crash? You have lost your job or been demoted? You have been continually under pressure at work and generally unappreciated? You have split up from your partner who ran off with your closest friend? Your home has been repossessed or you have had to move because of a financial crisis? You have had a serious, perhaps disabling, illness? You are fed up with the infernal neighbours? You have survived it all but you are all right now? Yes? You have survived it? Right! Fine! You are all right now? Wrong! Not fine at all! Unless you have unconsciously come to terms with your stress or trauma, you may still be suffering profoundly but still pretending to lead a fairly normal life.
We go through life continually taking the flack or catching what life has to throw at us. Even though, we may vainly attempt to duck out of the way, it can still hit us full in the face and it leave its mark. We suffer whether we like to admit it or not from the stresses, distresses, tensions, conflicts and traumas which are now an accepted part of our bumpy passage through life. Every individual has emotional wounds and, although these wounds may appear to heal, the scars will still be there as evidence of our endless struggle against stress. Why do we suffer from stress?
We suffer because the unconscious mind is hell-bent on maintaining the status quo a sort of physiological and psychological homeostasis. The unconscious mind likes to keep our breathing at an even rate, our heart beating consistently and our digestive system in good working order. It does not like any blips on the Richter scale and when any variance is detected, it is galvanised into action in the hope that we may return to an even keel.Our emotional and psychological mechanism is no exception because our emotions are often the gateway to reactive processes which stimulate our senses. Our reactions empower us to take avoiding action if we see a man-eating tiger in the form of an angry manager in the office, if we hear a bomb explode in the next street, if we become aware of a road-rage maniac overtaking us on the motorway or if we feel the shadow of a stranger behind us when walking down a dimly-lit street at night.
Our whole neuro-psychological mechanism is finely-attuned to react to these messages received via our senses which indicate immediate or impending danger. Such perceptions will virtually instantaneously pull the alarm bells in the nervous system in order to provoke the required responses which could save our life should the need arise. When we perceive threat or danger our whole system is thrown into overdrive to enable us to run away at full speed, to stay and fight the foe or to become immobilised as a means of protection. Hence, we call this the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism is quite crude and over-reactive but anything less could be fatal in certain circumstances. We need to be able to cope with every eventuality from merely jumping if a door slams to ducking for cover when an insane gunman is on the loose in a department store. It is a primitive response simply because we are primitive beings with a modicum of intelligence (and often it is this simple intelligence with causes the distress in the first place) and because it is a hangover from the cavemen-days when the ability to act decisively would ensure the survival of the species.
The fight-or-flight response is, in fact, on a continuum rather than being an either-or response perhaps, to be more accurate, it should be termed the fight-flight-or-freeze response with the mid-way point on the continuum being the freeze-response or the do-nothing response. When we stay and fight, at one end of the continuum, we can experience symptoms of hyper-arousal or hyper-alertness. The victim can become an adrenaline junkie whose startle-mechanism is constantly being triggered. The fight-victim may suffer disorders such as insomnia, nightmares, high blood-pressure, palpitations, panic attacks and may be inclined to take high risks such as spending too much money and/or burning the candle at both ends. Drugs and alcohol abuse often then become an integral part of living dangerously.
At the other end of the continuum, the flight-victim wants desperately to escape and shelter somewhere warm and comfortable. He or she may often indulge in comfort-eating, may be fantasy-prone and may become seriously depressed or, even, suicidal. The flight-victim may also become dependent on another for care and protection who may, with luck, be a sympathetic rescuer or, not so fortunately, unkind and/or abusive. In this case, the victim may resort to drugs and alcohol in the mistaken belief that the underlying sufferings of loneliness and isolation can be assuaged. The freeze-victim tends to take the line of least resistance and generally wants apathetically to withdraw from life. He or she becomes the isolated recluse who shuns social interaction, develops social phobias and becomes a kind of house-bound hermit pottering in the garden and never answering the doorbell to strangers. This victim often lacks the self-confidence or the inclination to overcome his or her fears and is generally reluctant to pull himself or herself out of the rut developing a failure-syndrome in the process.
The stress-sufferer often exhibits one or more of the above symptoms usually in combination which are a manifestation of his or her underlying distress. Why not check your stress-rating here and now? What can we do about it?
Serious symptoms should be taken seriously! Stubborn and unresolved stress needs to be treated and the sooner the better. What is the point in soldering on regardless (the fight-mechanism)? Why bury your head in the sand and ignore what your own mind and body is telling you (the freeze-mechanism)? Why continue to deny the facts and hope your distress will simply disappear into thin air (the flight-response)? Mild symptoms such as occasional bouts of insomnia, headaches, breathlessness or despondency may be conquered by maintaining a healthy diet (high in fibre and fruit and vegetables and low in caffeine or junk-food), taking plenty of exercise (a minimum of 20 minutes twice weekly) and getting adequate rest and relaxation (eg a regular massage, an occasional weekend break or quality-time with the family).
Severe symptoms such as uncontrollable depression, over-eating, heart disease, digestive disorders, heavy substance abuse or evidence of major phobic or anxiety attacks should be treated by consulting a trustworthy therapist. The stress management therapist will help you to identify your underlying problems and to see these in perspective in the clear light of day. Treatment may involve your looking at several aspects of your life both the past and the present. Your current stressful situation, perhaps, may be a manifestation of some previous patterns of existence.
An unhappy childhood, for instance, may mean that you have not yet learned how to relate successfully to others because you feel unloved or believe you are unable to cope with your managers temper tantrums in the office because you are frightened by authority figures or lack the confidence to assert your rights. Stress therapy will not only help you to understand yourself in the context of your current difficulties but also will teach you to manage unmanageable situations or unpleasant feelings but employing stress management techniques such as self-hypnosis, breathing exercises, relaxation exercises and creative visualisation techniques.
Often we regard seeking help as a sign of weakness or of defeat again evoking the fight-or-flight regime. We think that recognising or showing our emotions will mean that we have lost dignity or control. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. The first difficult step is recognising and admitting to yourself that you have a problem. If you do not take this step, then things may get worse and really spiral out of control eventually hitting the ground screaming. Courage is needed to address your problems and seeking help is a sign of that courage. So why not give yourself credit where credit is due and take that step towards a better life, improved health and emotional freedom?
Jacquelyne Morison
Jacquelyne is an analytical hypnotherapist/psychotherapist and stress management counsellor with both a London practice in Harley Street and a provincial practice in Beckenham in Kent.
jacquelyne.morison@btinternet
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